yadda yadda yadda…

Ok, so I haven’t been doing the blogging thing lately…..”Amy, where’s your blog?” “Amy, you haven’t written anything new” “Amy, I miss your blog” bitch, bitch, bitch. So, here it is for whatever it’s worth.

I haven’t been writing much, becuase, for those of you that don’t know, I started a new full-time job in April. The hours are normal it’s just that I didn’t realize how much time went into keeping up with the housework until I didn’t have any time to do it. Complicating that is the fact that Chuck is working 12hr days right now, 6 days a week so I need to have dinner ready when he comes home so that he can eat something before he passes out. Ok, I don’t “need” to do it, but I think it’s the nice thing to do.

The job? Well……that’s a deep subject. I like the job and the responsibilities (though they change from day to day) and I don’t want to say too much for the fact that I might incriminate myself. I will say this though, working directly for a company’s owners is a whole different ballgame then working for different levels of mangement who work directly or indirectly for the owner. It sure makes it interesting (not always a good thing).

The only other worthy news is this email that came my way and it really made me laugh. So for those of you whom I didn’t forward it to, enjoy!

If you can read this whole story without laughing, then there’s no hope
for you. I was crying by the end.

Note: Please take time to read this slowly.

If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better. For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook Off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park. Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL.

Frank: ‘Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and happened to be standing there at the judge’s table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I w as assured by the other two judges ( Native Texans) that the chili wouldn’t be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted.’

Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

*****************************************************

CHILI # 1 – MIKE’S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI…

Judge # 1 — A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick

Judge # 2 – Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

Judge # 3 (Frank) — Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that’s the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

*****************************************************

CHILI # 2 – AUSTIN’S AFTERBURNER CHILI..

Judge # 1 — Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.

Judge #2 — Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken
seriously.

Judge # 3 — Keep this out of the reach of children. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

*****************************************************

CHILI # 3 – FRED’S BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI…

Judge # 1 — Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.

Judge # 2 — A bit salty, good use of peppers.

Judge # 3 — Call the EPA. I’ve located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front par t of my chest. I’m getting drunk from all of the beer.

*****************************************************

CHILI # 4 – BUBBA’S BLACK MAGIC…

Judge # 1 — Bl ack bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

Judge # 2 — Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods not much of a chili.

Judge # 3 — I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-LB woman is starting to look HOT. Just like this nuclear waste I’m eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

****************************************************

CHILI # 5 LISA’S LEGAL LIP REMOVER…

Judge # 1 — Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

Judge # 2 — Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

Judge # 3 — My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I’m burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming.

****************************************************

CHILI # 6 – VERA’S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY…

Judge # 1 — Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of
spices and peppers.

Judge # 2 — The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and
garlic. Superb.

Judge # 3 — My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I shit myself when I farted and I’m worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can’t feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my rear-end with a snow cone.

*** *************************************************

CHILI # 7 – SUSAN’S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI…

Judge # 1 — A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

Judge # 2 — Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of
chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.

Judge # 3 — You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn’t feel a thing. I’ve lost sight i n one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they’ll know what killed me. I’ve decided to stop breathing its too painful. I’m not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air I’ll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

************ *****************************************

CHILI # 8 – BIG TOM’S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI…

Judge # 1 — The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too
bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.

Judge # 2 — This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild
nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he’s going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he’d have reacted to really hot chili?

Judge# 3 – No Report

About Amy

Hello! I am 33 years old, a wife (just recently in 2012) and a mother (that came first in 2009). I used to be fairly laid back, but having a kid really upped my sensitivty which was heightened already. I really believe in saying how I feel, when I feel it. I express my feelings - alot - maybe too much...but I feel that it lets everyone know where I stand so that there is no confusion. And, I would like the same in return - but... good luck with that!
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