It’s amazing to me that sometimes you really do live and learn. I have been fortunate in that I am able to look back at my past relationships and learn from them. It took me several tries but I think I have finally figured it out. First, I have ended my relationship with Chuck. Well, we still talk and for the sake of the dogs (yes they really can be like children and I never thought that I would be one of THOSE people, but here I am anyway) we still see each other. But, I don’t live with him anymore. I realize now – or perhaps I should say that I am ready to admit now – that I didn’t love him in the way that a woman should love a man and my decision to move in with him had more to do with me wanting to take the easy road than me actually wanting to spend the rest of my life with him. I am soooo grateful now that we did not get married because in the beginning I would have married him – because I was 100% committed at the time. Anyway, spending 2 years of my life with him helped me to realize what I truly want and need in life for myself and what I want and need from someone else. I think to figure this out at only 28 is truly a gift, but I guess there are some that think I am a little slow out of the gate. Anyway, I have some advice which I will gladly pass on to those who would like to have it. First, take a cue from the dogs. Their whole lives are dedicated to doing what makes them happy – so take the time to find out what makes you happy and do it. Being happy is not overrated, it is part of life. Second, no 2 people should have to change who they are in order to be with each other. Yes, compromise is part of a relationship and yes, relationships are something that 2 people have to work at. But, if you have to change to make the other person happy and vice versa, then there is no point in being together. You can’t expect someone to love you for who you are if you have to change who you are for them. I think alot of people don’t realize this until its too late and until they think they are too far into a relationship to change things. Third, taking the easy road does not necessarily mean that you’ll be happy. The easy road can be alot of different things for different people, but for me it meant not having to pay all of the bills all of the time and being able to spend money on what I wanted to and not what I needed to. I have learned that being independent and on my own, in charge of my life, is the only way that I will be happy. Fourth, a physical relationship is just as important as an emotional one. If the spark is not there, it’s not there and it will never be there no matter how much you want it to be. Fifth, sometimes you just need to say “it is what it is” and move on. No sense in letting other people tell you what is right and wrong for YOUR life. Who cares? If you are letting what other people think hold you back from doing something, then you need to step back and ask yourself, “does it make me happy?” If the answer is yes, then who cares what other people think. And finally, when in Oxford DO NOT do as the Oxfordians do………
