Ok, so last week I was informed by my mother that she would be coming down from Michigan for a visit this week. While other children may be excited at the mention of a visit from their mother that they only see a couple of times a year, my siblings and I remain skeptical. While we love our mother she sometimes has a …..hmmm…..what’s a good word here……a negative perception of the way things really are. I guess that’s the best way I can describe her outlook. The good news for this visit is that we are all off the hook as far as accomodations go. She is traveling down with a “special friend” that will be paying for hotel accomodations. Not that we didn’t all jump at the chance to offer her a place to stay………haha. My mother’s only request for her children was that we have a “family meal” while she is down here. It seems -to her, of course- that she has been robbed of family meals (e.g. Christmas, Thanksgiving, and whatnot) since my Dad got remarried. So, as the first sibling to hear the news of her visit, it falls on me to coordinate a dinner party for her – which I don’t think is too much to ask since we are getting a reprieve on the accomdations. My brother and his wife tried to talk us into going out to a resturant for dinner but there are 3 problems with this. 1) I really do not like being subjected to my mother’s criticism in public since she makes no attempt to not be embarrassing. 2) The last time we went to dinner in public with her, it ended really badly and set me back 5yrs in therapy. 3) I know my mother, and a resturant does not count as a “family meal” and we would never hear the end of it. So after alot of cajoling, it seems that I am hosting the dinner at my house the day before she is to leave to go home. I think that my brother-in-law may be the only one not in attendance becuase of his work schedule – and the time he saw her naked may have something to do with it but that’s a whole nother story.
Anyway, I have been going over my responses to my mothers comments, trying to brace myself for the worst. The “fat” comment will be thrown around quite alot, I’m sure……but I can deal with that. I fear there will be many others, but I can only hope for the best. The thing is, when I told a friend of mine that I have already prepared rebuttals to the comments that in my mind I am sure will be thrown out there, she said that sometimes when you have a conversation with another person in your head so many times, you can subconciously make the conversations happen even if they weren’t going in that direction to begin with. Basically, if I go into this visit with negative thoughts then I will create a negative atmosphere. I am going to listen to her and go into this visit with a positive attitude and forget that my mother has a condesending attitude. I can only hope that I don’t have to say out loud what I’ve been thinking in my head, which is “Mom, those are your issues and I am old enough now that you cannot and willnot make them my issues.”
So, cross your fingers with me and we’ll hope that all goes well and this will be a happily memorable visit!
