Perhaps if I blogged about my feelings instead of sharing them with everyone, then things may not be where they are right now….. no, no – there is more to it than that. Though, I will admit that I am over emotional and I share my feelings too much – if such a thing is possible. Yep, an over-sharer.. that’s what I am. My question is, how much am I willing to put up with from another person? Obviously no one is like me and I can’t expect them to act as I do… but if I tell 10 different people the same story and they all give me the same reaction, then doesn’t it justify my feeling? Haha… no. I realize that the stories are all from my point of view.
Anyway, here is my story about this. My man never owns up to anything…. ANYTHING. It just dawned on me the other day that during the duration of our relationship, he has not ever owned up to one single thing. He lied to me at the beginning of our relationship and when I called him on it he still didn’t own up to it. Now if I bring it up, which I can’t, he tells a different story… the way I see it, when it comes to admitting something or showing emotion or admitting some fault on his part, he starts weaving this tangled web of confusion that points everywhere and at everyone but himself. Then he gets totally defensive and tries to turn it around on me. See, I have talked about this with so many other people (part of my healing process) that I can’t even express myself the way that I want to.
Moving on, the biggest point of contention is the fact that he is not divorced yet.. yeah that’s right… If I would have known what the relationship was when we met, then I would have walked away. But, I was lied to and therefore the choice was made for me. Doesn’t that suck that when we meet a total stranger that is from somewhere else, we have to believe whatever it is they tell us about themselves and any relationship they may or may not have? You would think that some people have an issue with lying about some things – I never did and never would – but they don’t. So 3 years and a baby later, here we still are and he is not divorced yet. The worst part is…he doesn’t think or won’t acknowledge that this hurts me. It’s like if he doesn’t acknowledge it than it can’t be true. For 3 years he has put everything else first and made everything else a priority…. and I am just supposed to put a smile on my face and pretend that I’m ok with that……..
I have to go now, there is a little boy climbing on my leg and it’s past his bed time…