The thought for today is, doing the right thing (obeying God and doing what he tells you to do), even when you know it will be hard and it will hurt. My thoughts jump around so much and there is so much that I want to share but I know that when I can’t stop thinking about one thing, that means that it should be my topic for today. And yes, it really is that easy if you let it be.
I will share my story about my struggle with obeying God, in the hopes that it may help someone else that wants to do the right thing but just doesn’t know if they have the strength to do it.
I know now that God wanted me to be a mother, but I didn’t always know. And I know now that I was meant to have a child with my husband, though I didn’t know that then either. When we starting dating, I was searching for something but I didn’t know what it was. It was like my life was a series of trying to find a shirt that fit. I would try on different ones and each one would satisfy one thing that I was looking for, but not all. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was searching for God. I was trying to find him without actually turning to him, which is why none of the shirts fit. When I started dating my husband, I was anxious to get out of the shirt I was in because it was very itchy and confining and not really what I would choose for myself to wear. The point is, that I didn’t do things the way I should have, in a way that was pleasing to God and I ended up dating a married man. Yes that’s right, he was married when we met. Once I found this out, I should have walked away and said, come back when you are single – but the change he brought to my life was something that I was so desperate for, I acted recklessly. And, for his part, he had himself convinced that it was okay to be with someone else because it was “over” with his wife. She had cheated on him, and in his mind that was enough to walk away from the marriage and do as he pleased. To him, there were shades of sin….
Things were ok for awhile and it was alot of fun… or so I had convinced myself. Then, I got pregnant and freaked out. I started to really worry about the consequences of my actions, not just on earth, but in heaven. I worried that I had really done it this time and I would never be accepted into the kingdom of Heaven. Committing adultry, getting pregnant out of wed-lock. I saw no hope. That was also the start of the “bad luck”. My husband (not my husband at the time) moved in with me and we continued to live in sin… Two weeks after giving birth, I got laid off from a job that told me that hoped I didn’t want to be a stay at home Mom and that I would come back to work. My husband couldn’t get his truck on the road and work was scarce. The job he was working, kept him away from home for days at a time and it still didn’t pay the bills. When we were late on the rent, the landlord was on the doorstep threatening eviction the next day. We finally moved out of the apartment we were living in and moved into the tiny house that I had rented once before, when I was single. It was small and cramped and ended up having so many problems. Bad neighbors, mold, spiders, mice, electrical problems.. We tried and tried to make things work, but the tension and resentment between the two of us got worse and we struggled to stay together. During this whole time my husband was still married.. to this day he cannot tell me why it took him 3 years to get a divorce. During this time I was miserable. I cried most every night and I prayed alot.. I kept asking God what to do.. I kept asking him if this was what my life was to be. I begged him to tell me what I should do and where I should go. I asked and prayed and begged him to give us another house, to give my husband more work, to give me some peace so that I could stop worrying about our son and our life and our future. I was so unhappy that I doubted everything, every decision. I was ready to walk away from everything.. Then, God answered me. He said, “Stop sinning and live a life that is pleasing to me. I am very displeased with the life you are living. There are no degrees of sin, you are living in sin. When you live a life that is pleasing to me, then I will bless you.” I heard him say this to me, really and truly I did. And he also led me to a job at a local bank where I met a girl who had more faith in her little finger than I did in my whole life. And with that, I knew what I had to do… I had to stop sleeping with my husband and remain celebate until marriage…